Southern Fried Humor

Let's just say that I've accused my hubby of being Fred Sanford in disguise, because he has never met a piece of furniture that he didn't like or collect. I'm up to my ears in extra chairs and end tables and jars of rusted nuts and bolts.....just because you never know when you might need one. My garage is an excavation dump and it will take someone far stronger than me to get the hubby to part with his treasures. Nothing is ever broken and worthy of being discarded, it is all treasure in disguise. So, just call me the redneck's wife!  A little Southern Humor to give everyone a chuckle!

You might be a red neck if:      
You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.
You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter
Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
You burn your yard rather than mow it 
You think 'The Nutcracker' is a vice on the work bench 
The Salvation Army declines your furniture
You offer someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.
You have the local taxidermist on speed dial. 
You come back from the dump with more than you took.
You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
Your grandmother has 'ammo' on her Christmas list. 
You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.
You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
You go to the stock car races and don't need a program. 
You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.
You have a rag for a gas cap.
Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does. 
You wonder how service stations keep their restroom's so clean ? 
You can spit without opening your mouth.
You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it 
Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand. 
You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say 'Cool Whip' on the side.
The biggest city you've ever been to is WalMart.
Your working TV sits on top of your nonworking TV. 
You've used your ironing board as a buffet table. 
You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back. 
You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty. 
You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65.

Out of the"book" Grandma Roberts left us. I remember this dressing fondly, and the salad she would put it on...cubed cooked potatoes, peas, cubed carrots, minced onion and this dressing. Very cold on a bed of lettuce with hard cooked eggs and wedges of tomatoes around the mound of potato/veg/dressing mix. 

1 can Campbells Tomato Soup

1/2 cup sugar -3/4 cup if you like it sweet

3/4 cup of vinegar (apple cider)

3/4 cup oil (wesson or mazola)

1 tsp of salt

1 tsp of paprika

1/2 tsp of dry mustard

1/2 tsp of black pepper

2 tbsp of worchestershire

2 tsp of onion juice or salt

2 or 3 toes of garlic (toes of garlic?)

Mix well with egg beater.
Refrigerate at least 24 hours.